


Sleep On It

by moodwriter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-13 20:59:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodwriter/pseuds/moodwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When shit hits the fan the people who stay are the people who matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  Banner by me
> 
> I will write this story weekly for glam_100 prompts. This means that the story will be in drabble sets. I'm writing this one for myself, but if someone else gets something out of it I'll be very happy. 
> 
> I want to thank @aislinntlc and @leela_cat for always being there for me. Both of you are helping me with this story, and I'm very grateful for that. *hugs*

Tommy sits in the backseat of a Mercedes, waiting for Adam. The car is parked in front of the courthouse, and Tommy stares at the paparazzi through the darkened windows. He tries not to think because this is one of those moments that are too painful for thought. He just waits. 

Adam comes through the doors, Leila by his side, and the vultures attack him, their cameras pushed against Adam’s face, too close, too violent. 

Tommy wants to get out of the car, do something to save Adam, but he knows he’d only make it worse. 

It’s painful to watch.

*

At Adam’s place, they occupy the silent space, Leila sitting on the couch and Tommy standing by the door. Adam gets something to drink for all of them, but there are still no words. The beer goes down his throat, but he doesn’t taste anything. 

At least Adam doesn’t have to go to prison. 

“I’m... going to go,” Leila says softly, putting the untouched glass on the table. “I’ll call tomorrow about the dinner.”

Tommy kisses her cheek goodbye, and Adam walks her to the door. 

It’s even more awkward now.

“How are you doing?” Tommy asks when Adam returns.

*

“Peachy,” Adam says, letting himself fall on the couch, his eyes closed. “I’m an abusive spouse.”

“No, you’re not.” Tommy wants to shake Adam, but he just walks up to him, sits down, and stares. Adam looks older. It’s been a long process. 

“Oh right, I got sentenced for being one. Everyone believes I beat him up. Who cares about the truth?” 

Tommy touches Adam’s knee. “I do.”

“You’re the only one.”

“Leila believes you.” Tommy leans back, still looking at Adam. “There are others...”

“It doesn’t matter.” Adam’s eyes are crazy-sharp when he opens them. “I’ll lose the contract.”

*

“It’s unfair. People get away with crazier stuff, and you’ll get kicked out because of this.”

Adam smiles, bitter. “I’m only good when I’m a little bit bad. This is horrible publicity.”

Tommy sighs, getting closer, and when Adam puts his arm around Tommy’s shoulders it’s all good. He knows he’s doing something right. 

Many people have abandoned the sinking ship that is Adam’s career. Some are very mad at him for being a liar, a violent bastard who hospitalized his boyfriend with a beating. Most won’t listen to his excuses. 

The hard part is that they are not excuses.

*

Lance accused Adam of an assault, and because there was enough evidence of Adam being a jealous boyfriend (hello youtube and paparazzi videos of drunken brawling) the bruises were all Lance needed. He looked pretty bad with a black eye and a broken nose. 

“You’ll get through this,” Tommy says, and they both know it’s a shallow promise. 

The label is dropping him, most of his friends have left, and his reputation is gone. There’s not much Adam can do. 

“Yeah, I’ll become a cabaret singer.”

“You’ll do something. And people won’t remember this forever.” Tommy pats Adam’s chest gently. 

*

They spend the night on the couch, watching movies, eating popcorn, and holding each other. Tommy had no idea that one day he’d be the person Adam needed the most. Of course, there are others, and they are having a get together tomorrow, but it’s still Tommy whom Adam called when he was going to court. 

“I wish I’d never met him,” Adam says after the third movie, sounding desperate. 

Tommy pulls Adam’s head against his chest and pets his hair. Adam is strong but these past months have ripped him open, made him bleed.

Tommy wants to hurt Lance.

*

It started as a summer romance and turned into a beautiful dream. Too good to be true, some of Adam’s friends said, but Adam didn’t listen. Tommy wishes he had. 

After half a year, things started to change. There were paparazzi in places there shouldn’t have been, and they got caught on tape, doing inappropriate things. The uproar was instant, deafening, and wide. It didn’t destroy Adam’s career, though. 

Lance wanted more when Adam wasn’t selling enough, and he wanted out, wanted money, and he made a plan. It had to have been a plan. Maybe it was all along.

*

Now, Adam is crying, his body jerking with each uncontrollable sob. It’s better than the dead silence, though, better than the blank face. 

“At least he’s out of your life now,” Tommy says.

Adam laughs, then almost chokes on a cough. “Finally.”

“You don’t have to see him ever again. You don’t have to listen to his voice anymore. He’s gone.”

Adam turns his head, looks at Tommy, and smiles. “How come you’re still here?” 

“Where else would I be?” Tommy is genuinely surprised. Why wouldn’t he be here?

“I’m bad karma. I might sink you too if you stay...”

*

Adam stares at Tommy, his makeup running and his eyes red and puffy. He still looks too damn pretty. “Didn’t you get an offer?”

He got two. He’s not telling Adam. “I’m doing good.”

Adam sits up and pulls Tommy onto his lap, Tommy’s legs straddling him. It should be weird, but right now it doesn’t matter. Tommy puts his hands against the back of the couch, staring down at Adam who says, “Thank you. For everything. For being you. For staying.”

Tommy kisses Adam’s forehead, his lips dry and Adam’s skin so warm. 

It’s time to go to sleep.


	2. Superheroes

For some reason Adam’s skin doesn’t get red like Tommy’s when it’s getting tattooed. Or it does, but the redness goes away in a second. At least it feels like it. 

Adam has a fresh tattoo on the back of his neck - more right than in the middle - and it already looks like it’s been there forever. 

It’s steampunk art: flesh and metal, and an all-seeing eye. It’s beautiful, and it’s all Sutan. Adam is marking himself with things that matter. 

They are getting fresh coffee, and even though Adam is wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap he gets recognized. 

*

It’s been a long day already, and the way people are staring becomes annoying fast. Adam looks like a wounded animal, and Tommy wants to lash out at everyone. 

When they exit the cafe Tommy puts his hand on Adam’s arm briefly, and he gets a smile. It’s thin-lipped, but pretty damn awesome still.

Tommy has been tailing Adam from meeting to meeting because Adam doesn’t want to be alone with sharks. He’s not alone. Adam has his lawyer, Leila, and Eber, yet he still needs someone to squeeze his hand under the table. 

Adam is making arrangements. 

Boring shit.

*

Tommy hasn’t complained once. He’s used to being quiet, being the one who observes, and he’s observing Adam now that they are walking to the park. 

The car is nearby if things get heated, but Adam needs to be outside, among people, doing something normal. 

Tommy wants to take Adam to the movies, but it’s hard to choose something they both would like. Adam likes chick-flicks; Tommy would rather stab himself in the heart than watch another _When Harry Met Sally_. He would, though, for Adam. 

So maybe they’ll go see something sweet, something that will rot his teeth out.

*

“How about pig farming?” Adam asks after a long silence. “I could do that.”

Tommy snorts, getting coffee on his shirt. 

“Or I could move to Canada.”

“Or you could stay here and kick this fucked up shit in the butt.”

Adam looks at him sideways. “How?”

“By being your awesome self.” Tommy has a duh-moment, but he doesn’t say it out loud. 

“I can’t. Nobody wants the story I would tell. They all want the story I can’t give.”

Tommy sighs. Adam is right. “Just go through it.”

“I’m trying,” Adam says, frustrated. “I’ve been doing nothing but that.”

*

Adam’s scars are showing. They are in his eyes, in the way he holds himself, how his hands rest in his lap. Tommy fears for the poor coffee cup that’s in a loose hold against Adam’s knee. It might drop any second now. 

“There’s no way out,” Adam whispers, and it’s true. Adam can’t hide from this. Shit hit the fan and spread wide. Even Tommy can’t help him clean up the mess. He’ll try. 

“Nonsense. We just don’t see it yet.” Tommy has been wondering about the whole situation. How Lance ended up beaten and bloody? Who did that? 

*

“I love you,” Adam says suddenly, and Tommy stares at him, his mouth open. Only Adam can surprise him like that. 

“Shut up.” He knows Adam loves him. It’s too embarrassing to hear it. 

“I do. You make me want to go on.” Adam leans forward, his elbows on his knees. “I’ll go on.”

“I know.” Adam is a hero. He might not know it yet, but he is. He’s always been Tommy’s Batman. 

“Tell me you like me,” Adam whispers, and it breaks Tommy’s heart. 

“I love your beating heart,” Tommy says. “I love you, you idiot.”

Adam smiles.

 

TBC...


	3. Hope's Bitch

Tommy hums Metallica while eating breakfast and reading today’s newspaper. He always starts with the comics and then reads the most interesting headlines. Sometimes he even reads the actual articles. 

He feels like an adult which is a new thing for him. 

His phone rings, and he checks the caller before deciding if he wants to answer. It’s Adam so he does. “Good morning,” he says, sweet and slow, wondering why Adam has been so quiet. He hasn’t spoken with Adam for a week even though he’s sent Adam a handful of messages. 

“Come over,” Adam says. 

Tommy bites his thumb.

*

“Now?” Tommy asks because Adam can be a bit impossible to follow sometimes. 

“If you have time.”

He has nothing but time since he hasn’t taken any of the offers. He has to work at some point, though. “Okay, I’ll be there in an hour.”

He gets there in forty minutes because traffic is not so heavy. Adam opens the door and walks away with barely a nod to welcome Tommy. 

This is so not cool. 

Adam’s apartment has a huge balcony, and Tommy follows Adam there. They stand in silence for a long while, staring at the darkening sky. 

*

“I’m over it,” Adam says. “I’m doing better.” 

It sounds like a lie, and Tommy wonders if Adam can hear it, too. “Okay.”

“I don’t want to think about this anymore. I’m thinking of moving to London for a while.” 

That sounds like running away, but Tommy says nothing. 

“I could study. I have enough money to put myself through university.” Adam leans against the railing, his chin in his hands. “I could become a therapist.”

“It’s not over, Adam. And fuck you for even thinking that it is.”

“I don’t want to sing anymore,” Adam yells, and it hurts.

*

“If you don’t then don’t, but don’t stop because of this. I want to be on that stage with you.” Tommy doesn’t raise his voice, but it’s close. This Adam hurts him, peels his skin off and burns him. 

Adam looks at Tommy like he’s the enemy too. “Because I make your dreams come true?”

Tommy takes a step back, stricken. It’s very close he doesn’t walk away. The only thing that stops him is the fevered look in Adam’s eyes. Adam has been thinking, alone. “Because we see the same things,” he says quietly. “Because we do it together.”

*

Adam is quiet for a long moment, then says, “I don’t want you to play for me anymore. Take any offer you like. Find something better.”

Tommy wants to shake Adam violently. “Fuck you, asshole.”

Adam’s eyes flash, but he says nothing, just keeps staring at Tommy. There’s an inhuman amount of desperation in Adam’s whole being. 

“You don’t get to say that right now,” Tommy spits out. “You don’t get to choose that right now. Not one of your options, fucker.”

“I can fire you,” Adam says with quiet menace. “I can kick you out. I’m your fucking boss.”

*

“This is why you called me here?” Tommy asks, crossing his arms over his chest. He feels vulnerable because they never fight. Adam’s been angry with him maybe twice the whole time they’ve known each other, and even then it’s been over stupid things that haven’t mattered this much. He knows Adam is trying to sabotage his life, but it’s getting to him anyway. It doesn’t matter that Tommy knows because Adam also knows how to hurt him. He knows where to strike and how to abuse the power. He’s never done it before. Ever. 

Adam sucks balls right now.

*

“I called you here to tell you that I’m ending my career before they can end it for me. There’s nothing for you here anymore. I can’t be what you need. I can’t carry you anymore.”

That does it. Tommy turns around, grabs a pillow from a lounge chair, and hits Adam with it as hard as he can. He’s so angry he’s fuming. He doesn’t even have words. “Get your head out of your ass,” he screams at Adam, then hits him one more time, and stomps out of the balcony. 

He doesn’t even get to the door.

“Tommy.”

*

There are fingers around his wrist, a strong hold against his will to leave, and he wants to spit in Adam’s face. Adam is stomping all over their friendship even though Tommy has been there for him all these months. Maybe he’s doing it to save Tommy, but Adam should know already. He should know. 

“Let me go.” Tommy stares at Adam with cold eyes. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Not good enough.”

“I won’t quit,” Adam says desperately. 

“More.”

“I’ll find a new label.”

“Not enough.”

Adam looks at him with pained eyes. “I’ll hire a private detective. Please.”

Tommy smiles. “Good.”


	4. Whispers in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Red_Adam](http://red-adam.livejournal.com/) kindly came to my aid when I needed betaing. :) She worked with me on this one. :)

Eber and Neil find the private eye. They go through sources, recommendations, online forums, and find the best one money can buy. 

Leila invites Tommy over for a family dinner because somehow she knows it’s Tommy’s doing that Adam has stopped being a passive victim. She doesn’t say anything, but she hugs him tighter and longer than ever before, and he’s been in the receiving end of Leila Lambert’s trademark hugs. This one beats them all. 

It’s slightly awkward because all the rest of them are couples. Neil has his girlfriend, and Eber and Leila have their respective partners.

Couples. 

* 

And then there’s Adam and Tommy. 

Nobody else seems to find Tommy an intruder so he relaxes and lets them have him over. He tastes everything Leila puts on his plate because she knows he doesn’t eat meat, and he listens to Neil and Eber argue about politics. He thought that was just a twitter thing, but no, the two seem to get off on it. It’s a bit disturbing. 

Tommy thinks he’s more a part of the family now because they don’t even try to be civil in front of him. 

He looks at Adam who grins and shrugs. 

*

Adam is supposed to take him home afterwards, but they end up to Mulholland Drive, Adam parking to the side of the road, and stepping out. They look at the city lights, the night dark and heavy on them. 

“I want someone to touch me,” Adam says quietly. 

That there kills Tommy. He’s not sure if he’s touched Adam enough, if he’s made it physically clear that he still loves Adam. He leans his chin against Adam’s shoulder, but keeps his hands behind his back. 

Adam sighs. “I don’t want to feel guilty about having someone in my life again.”

*

“I can’t enjoy it at the moment," Adam says. "I tried. I went to a bar, and tried to hook up with someone, but it’s impossible. They all know. Word goes around. And the worst are the people who say they wouldn’t mind if I beat them up, that they’d love to have my bruises.” Adam hides his face in his hands. “How do I have a normal life?”

“It sucks right now,” Tommy says. 

“I didn’t hurt him.”

Tommy knows that. Adam doesn’t have to try to convince him. He also knows that it looks like Adam is guilty.

*

A neighbor called the police because there was a lot of screaming and things thrown out of the house where they lived back then, and Lance was bloody and hysterical. Adam had scratches all over his arms and cheeks, and he resisted arrest because he was so beyond angry. 

They had both been drinking, and their stories were completely different. 

Nobody believed that Lance had come home looking bloody and disgusting, spewing hateful words, spilling secrets, attacking Adam in every way he knew how. And Lance knew how. Tommy had never liked him, but he had tolerated him for Adam. 

*

Tommy leans closer and blows in Adam’s ear, pulling him out of his dark thoughts. Adam puts an arm around Tommy and pulls him close. It’s good to be there. “Sorry I hit you with a pillow the other day,” Tommy finally says. He doesn’t want to add any violence into Adam’s life, but he’d been so angry and frustrated. He needed to get Adam to wake up. 

Adam actually laughs. “Oh my god, I’ve never seen you so angry. You’re so mellow.”

“Sorry.” Tommy knows he’s blushing. Fuck.

“No, no,” Adam says, tilting Tommy’s chin up. “It’s all good.” 

*

Adam just leans down and kisses the side of his mouth, casual and easy. It’s affection and appreciation, and it makes Tommy feel like he’s important. He sighs happily. Then Adam whispers in his ear, “Do you have any idea how safe it is to argue with you.”

That stops his heart. It’s a huge compliment, and he’s not ready for it at all. His eyes are burning, and it’s stupid. He’s not going to cry over a compliment. He’s not. “Shut up.” His voice breaks between words. 

“Thank you, Tommy Joe,” Adam says, his lips soft against Tommy’s ear.


	5. Bridge of Change

They are in a rented car, driving away from a disastrous night. Adam is piss-drunk and throwing up all over the back seat, his shoes, Tommy’s sleeve, and the poor driver who’s sitting in front of him. 

It’s a perfect ending to the clusterfuck that should’ve been a decent last gig for a charity event. The gig itself went pretty well even though Adam was already on his way to a drunken stupor. It was the after party that had Tommy on his toes and fucking scared shitless for Adam because Adam was beyond reckless.

The driver kicks them out.

*

Tommy holds onto Adam who is quiet for a change, not spouting truths about everyone and everything he knows. Adam is a preacher when the mood hits. 

They sit down on the ground, leaning against the concrete railing of the Lake-Providencia bridge. 

Tommy calls Mike because he needs someone to pick them up, someone willing who isn’t already asleep. Mike agrees, but only because Tommy is his best friend. The words make Tommy smile. It’s good to know he’s not alone in this world. 

Adam is snoring next to him, smelling of puke and aftershave. 

It’s been a weird night.

*

“Where... are we?” Adam asks after a short while. Tommy can barely understand him.

“Burbank,” Tommy says, looking at the sky and the rising sun. 

Adam tries to get up, but Tommy holds onto his wrist, saying, “No walking. You’re too drunk.”

Adam pulls his wrist free and gets on his feet anyway. He’s swaying. “I fucking hate those events,” Adam screams, and Tommy looks around but there’s no one there. “I hate them.” Adam leans against the low railing with his hands, and Tommy fears he might fall over. 

Tommy gets up too to make sure it doesn’t happen.

*

Adam looks down at the tiny wash that runs below. It has a little more water than usually, but one still can’t call it a proper river. “I hate them.” All Adam’s earlier anger is gone now, and what’s left is quiet disapproval. “I hate them.”

Tommy would sit on the railing if he weren’t afraid of falling over. Tommy and heights still don’t like each other. “Yeah?” He stares at Adam. “You sure?”

Adam turns to face him, his eyes blazing. “Absolutely.”

“Then stop letting them define you.”

Adam grabs the front of Tommy’s shirt. “I’m doing that.”

*

“How?” Tommy has to tilt his chin up because Adam is too close. 

Adam looks confused for a second, then lets go of Tommy, and starts pulling off one of his shoes. They are new ones, pretty normal leather boots. “I’m throwing these away.”

That makes no sense, but Tommy just stares at Adam and doesn’t try to stop him. 

The shoe flies down to the wash in a high arc. Then Adam is pulling off the second one, almost falling down, saying incoherent things all the while doing it. Tommy hears words like: normal, colorless, boring, and he smiles.

*

The other shoe suffers the same destiny, and then Adam sits on the ground again, exhausted. He’s crying a little too, but it doesn’t seem like he’s desperate, just overwhelmed. Tommy stands there for a second, then takes off his own boots and throws them away too. His socks go down next. 

They are such badass litterers. 

What Adam does then is beyond amazing. He laughs, high and bright, and nothing stops it, nothing at all. Tommy sits down next to him, laughing with him. It’s incredibly liberating. 

“Normal is boring,” Adam says. 

Tommy nods. “Especially if you’re not normal.”

*

Adam puts his palm against Tommy’s face, and suddenly the space between them is intimate. Adam has said it all already; he’s thanked Tommy in all the ways he knows how. There’s nothing left to say, yet Adam still wants to say something. It’s in his eyes, and the way he bites his lip, so Tommy tries to quiet down the laughter that’s still bubbling inside him. 

“I never knew you’d become this person,” Adam finally says.

“I’m glad I did.” Tommy turns to nuzzle the hand. Yeah, Adam still smells awful, and he’s a drunk asshole, but he’s Tommy’s.

*

Mike picks them up and takes them to Tommy and Mike’s apartment. Adam behaves the whole way there, and it seems he doesn’t need to throw up anymore. When they get home Tommy pushes Adam into the bathroom with a clean pair of underwear and one of Mike’s shirts. Adam really needs a shower. 

Then he gets painkillers, a big glass of water, and the extra pillows and a blanket, and gets ready for bed himself, getting rid of his puke-covered clothes.

He waits for Adam, lying on the bed, thinking of their future. It’s not going to be pretty.

*

When Adam opens Tommy’s door he looks embarrassed and apologetic. “Did I upset anyone?”

Plenty of people, but they weren’t friends anyway. Brian and Tommy got Adam out of there before he could make a massive fool out of himself. Fortunately. “No one who matters,” Tommy says, patting the bed next to him. 

Adam drags his feet, then sits on the edge of the bed, taking the pill and drinking a lot of water after it. “Did I hurt you?”

Oh... Tommy grins. “No, you worried the shit out of me, but you were pretty much awesome.”

Adam sighs quietly.

*

“So I’m welcome here?” Adam asks, turning to face Tommy and then lying down. 

“Very.” Tommy props himself up on an elbow, looking at Adam. “Always.”

“You’re too kind to me, you know that?”

Tommy snorts. “Not really. I think I’m mostly telling you nasty truths.”

Adam smiles back. “You’re the only one with whom I dare to be everything I am. To everyone else I have to try to pretend that I’m actually doing okay. My mom couldn’t handle this me, nobody could.”

“Well... You’re pretty much my world...”

Adam looks at him with wide, vulnerable eyes. “What?”

“Yeah...”

*

Tommy thought Adam knew that already. He’s never tried to keep it as a secret. 

“But... You... This is not...” Adam is losing words. “You told me you don’t...”

“Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do anything for you. Anything”

Adam just stares.

“Besides, there’s nowhere I’d rather be. I’d change things about your life if I could, but this is what I want to be doing right now.”

“See me puke?” Adam looks baffled. 

“See you get through this.”

“What if I don’t get through this? What if this is the best it’ll ever get, or what if it gets worse?”

*

Tommy touches Adam’s collarbone, slides his fingers over it. “Then it’s all there is. Life is still what you make of it.”

“This is not what I tried to make of my life,” Adam says, sounding accusing, and Tommy doesn’t blame him. “He destroyed me.”

“He tried. There’s a difference.”

“He succeeded. I don’t have anything left.”

Tommy presses his fingers against Adam’s pulse at his neck. “You have your life. You know who your true friends are. You can start over, and you can do exactly what you want without anybody telling you what you can or can’t do.”

*

Adam grabs Tommy’s hand and pushes it away gently. “And you’d still play for me even though you have better opportunities now? I won’t let you.”

Tommy grins, and he knows he looks like a maniac in the dimly lit room. “I’m a grown man. I can make my own decisions. And really, life isn’t about money to me. It’s about experiencing things, and what have we done but that? You’ve taken me all over the world. The least I can do is follow you to the studio next. I have money saved. You have too. We’ll find a way.”

*

“You’re crazy. Nobody will buy anything I’ll make.” Adam puts his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. 

“You underestimate the power of publicity,” Tommy says, reaching out and touching Adam’s stubbled chin since Adam’s hands are out of the way and not stopping him. “With the help of the detective we’ll find out who was involved in this, and we will reveal that person. Lance will go down. And even if we never find out you can always write a book. If there is doubt people will talk. You’ve lost for now only, not forever.”

Adam looks doubtful. 

*

“Besides,” Tommy continues, still touching Adam’s skin because something about Adam is screaming for attention. “You deserve a glorious comeback. I want to be there to see that.”

“I can’t see any of that happening,” Adam says, but he doesn’t sound hopeless, just lost. 

“It’s a good thing you have me then.” Tommy follows Adam’s jaw with his fingers, then slides them over Adam’s neck to his chest. He rests his hand there, loving the warmth of Adam’s body.

“And how exactly do I have you?”

Tommy swallows. “Any way you want.”

Adam inhales and doesn’t let the breath out.

*

Tommy knows Adam is fragile right now, but he also knows he can be the rebound guy for Adam. He can help. “You have trouble finding someone who isn’t going to use you. I don’t have anyone. It could work.”

Adam is terribly quiet. 

“I know you’re lonely.” He wants to say so much more, but Adam’s eyes stop him. 

Adam moves slowly, sits up, looking at Tommy. Then he pushes the blanket aside, revealing Tommy in his T-shirt and briefs. Tommy is very aware of his pale legs. 

Adam touches Tommy, slides his hand up and between Tommy’s thighs. 

*

That is a little shocking, but Tommy stays still, his chest rising fast.

“You’d be willing to do this too,” Adam says, but it’s not really a question. “I don’t deserve you.” Adam rubs Tommy’s thigh with his thumb, his forefinger touching Tommy’s balls. “I won’t say no,” Adam whispers. “I can’t. So please don’t offer.”

Tommy spreads his legs a little, but says nothing. He’s terrified.

“Don’t,” Adam says again. “I’ll hurt us.”

Maybe. Tommy slides his own hand down to his briefs, jerking himself, Adam’s fingers so close to his own.

“Fuck.” Adam sounds pained, his breaths shallow.

*

Tommy is not brave, but he loves Adam, and he hates to see him suffer, hates the way he’s hurting, hates the way he’s shutting down. He wants to pull Adam out. Tommy bites his lower lip, squeezing his cock. He wants to close his eyes, but he also wants to look at Adam, wants to see the change on his face. 

“Tommy,” Adam lets out a strangled whisper, and it goes straight to Tommy’s cock. He wants to come for Adam. 

Adam puts a hand over Tommy’s, and Tommy stops. They stare at each other for a short while.

*

Tommy slowly pulls his hand away, but Adam’s stays there, just the thin layer of Tommy’s briefs between them. Adam’s hand is so warm. 

“Even this?” Adam asks softly, and Tommy nods. 

Adam takes hold of Tommy’s briefs and pulls them off slowly. Then he just looks at Tommy for a long moment. “You can’t fix me with this,” Adam whispers, lying down, his face close to Tommy’s cock. “You can’t fix me with anything.”

“I don’t care,” Tommy says, just when Adam smells him and takes his ability to breathe. He’s not sure about this at all.

“You should.”

*

Adam bites Tommy’s hipbone, then licks it. “You should care. I’ll drag you down.”

“No, you won’t.” The words are barely audible because Adam’s hands are holding Tommy’s hips, holding him still, and then Adam flips him over. Now, there’s absolutely no breath left in him, nothing. He grabs the pillow and holds it against his face.

“Tommy, Tommy, Tommy... You don’t know how fucked up I feel.” Adam bites the middle of his back, then moves lower. “You don’t know.”

“I know enough,” he mumbles into the pillow. “I know you haven’t had anyone since...”

Adam growls. “Be quiet.”

*

He tries, but right then Adam blows on his skin, spreading him open, and he can’t keep the scared-aroused sound in. Then Adam whispers, “I can make you come. You do nothing to me. Okay?”

Tommy nods, but it’s not enough to Adam who bites Tommy’s sensitive skin and says, “Say it.”

“Okay.” He’s whispering too because everything is so, so quiet. 

Then he feels Adam’s wet mouth against his ass, Adam’s tongue pushing inside, and he whimpers into the pillow. Adam licks him until he’s squirming under him, fucking the mattress. Then, he pushes one finger slowly inside.

“Tommy?”

*

He tries to turn to look at Adam over his shoulder, but he can’t concentrate enough because Adam keeps fucking him with the finger, slow and steady, and it’s distracting, arousing, mindblowing. Instead, Tommy says, “Good... Okay? Good.”

Then Adam licks him again, crooks his finger, and brushes against his prostate, and that, that is a little too much. Tommy bites the pillow, tries to find something to hold onto, and when he can’t, Adam finds his hand. 

It’s burning hot in his bedroom, and he’s sweating, his skin slippery.

And Adam continues to drive Tommy crazy with his mouth.

*

When he can’t take it anymore, when it becomes too much, Adam lifts him up enough to get a hand around his cock, and with Adam’s tongue in his ass, Tommy comes hard, groaning into the pillow. 

It’s totally outside of his comfort zone, but Adam is stroking his sides and thighs and back, kissing his skin everywhere, whispering nonsense, and that helps. When he comes down, when he can think again, Adam is lying partly over him, his knee between Tommy’s thighs, his lips pressed against Tommy’s bare neck. 

Maybe this was a bad idea, but Adam seems content.

*

“Thank you,” Adam says close to Tommy’s ear, brushing his hair off his face. “I needed that.”

Tommy sighs. So it wasn’t a mistake. “God, you were good,” he whispers, laughing a little. He’s so spent. 

“Really? Best orgasm ever?” There’s goodhearted humor in Adam’s voice.

“Top five at least,” Tommy says, grinning. 

“I’m out of practice then,” Adam says, then bites Tommy’s earlobe. 

It’s a good night, the best they’ve had in a long while. It makes Tommy want to hide in the safety of his room because nobody can touch them there. 

Tomorrow is waiting for them, though.


	6. Just Wait for the Good Things

Adam has rented a small amusement park for Tommy, and that’s just the silliest thing to do. First of all, Tommy can’t go to most of the rides, and who does things like that anyway? 

It’s the middle of the week and almost midnight, and Adam has taken him to all the water rides already. Tommy is so wet it’s not even funny. 

He’s guessing this is Adam’s idea of a date, and it seems like Adam is having fun, watching Tommy suffer.

His jeans are glued to his skin. Adam should be apologizing, not laughing like there’s nothing funnier.

*

“I hate you,” Tommy mutters when Adam takes his hand, pulling him towards another ride. There’s only one crew member helping them with the rides, and Tommy looks at him with pleading eyes. The guy only smiles, giving him the thumbs up, and Tommy wants to throw him down the slide face first without the freaking carriage. 

He hates amusement parks, but he loves the way Adam giggles every time Tommy grumbles about something. 

Adam is completely sober and happy, and he’s been smiling the whole day. So Tommy is willing to suffer a bit.

Then he sees the next ride.

*

“No, no. Hell to the no!”

Adam looks into his eyes. “Please? I promise to hold your hand. Please?”

It’s a fucking roller coaster that ends at a freaking lake. He’s wet enough, and he’s not fond of stomach dropping heights. He hates Adam a little because he knows he’s going to give in. Adam looks so genuinely happy to have him there, and Tommy can’t say no to him. Not ever. Not even now. Not when Adam’s entire world is that roller coaster ride. 

“Please? I’ll keep you safe.” Adam holds his other hand out, and Tommy takes it.

*

Adam helps him into the carriage, pulls the safety bar down, and holds onto Tommy. 

He’s so fucking afraid he’s shaking. “I hate you for this,” he shouts, closing his eyes. 

Adam leans close, whispering in his ear, “I love you for this.”

Tommy crunches his nose, snarling at Adam, and then they are moving and all he can do is hold onto Adam and the carriage and hope it’ll be over soon. His stomach hates it, and he’s screaming so loud he hopes Adam will lose his hearing for a while. 

When the splash finally comes Adam kisses him.

*

Nothing has happened between them since the night at Tommy’s place even though Adam has been acting differently around him. There’s been more touching, more closeness, more pet names - and Adam has always been quite affectionate with him. 

Adam hasn’t stepped over the invisible boundaries, though. They’ve kept it simple, but now, Tommy is wet, and Adam is practically devouring him, his tongue so deep in Tommy’s mouth it feels like it belongs there. This is not a kiss they’ve shared before, and it doesn’t seem to end. 

Adam’s hands are in his hair, pulling him as close as possible.

*

There’s a quiet cough next to them, and Tommy realizes that John, the crew member, is watching them eat each other’s faces. 

Tommy doesn’t really care, and neither does Adam. It’s been a perfect night, and this, this is the sweet epilogue. He tilts his head back, letting Adam bite and suck his neck, and he looks up, looks John in the eyes and grins because he can. He feels totally shameless. 

Adam bites him hard, pulls a hurt whine out of him, and then Adam’s fingers dig into his hair, forcing his neck back into a wonderfully painful angle.

*

John backs away, leaving them be, and Tommy can only admire his poker face. Then he has to grab Adam’s shoulders because Adam licks and kisses his throat and it’s a little too much. He lets out a groan, kicking with his feet, trying to find a position that isn’t uncomfortable in the plastic seat. 

Adam cups him through his pants, and he doesn’t care about uncomfortable anymore. He just cares about Adam’s warm palm and the frantic rhythm Adam is guiding him into. 

When he’s so near he’s about to cream his pants, Adam whispers, “Would you mind waiting?”

*

Tommy’s brain is unable to comprehend the question, but then Adam squeezes his cock, and asks again, “I want to see you squirming, needing my touch. I want to keep you on the edge. Would you mind?”

Tommy shakes his head, but he’s not sure. This might be one step closer to a crazy train. He’s already given Adam way too much power over his life. 

Yet, the way Adam breathes out next to Tommy’s ear, the way he gently strokes Tommy through his pants, then captures Tommy’s lips into a slow, sweet kiss, makes it worth a little uncertainty.


	7. Shadows Behind Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lovely Red_Adam from livejournal betaed this chapter for me. :) Thank you, bb. <3

_There is a crack, a crack in everything,  
It’s how the light gets in._  
-Leonard Cohen-

 

When they reach Adam’s apartment Tommy is spent. He’s not even hard anymore, but he aches for release, aches for Adam’s touch. 

He feels needy and not in control, like he’s lost all sense of direction and he’s not aware of his limits anymore. It’s wild, and it creates a hole inside him, makes his soul shatter. 

Yet, he’s willing and burning and fucking _desperate_ in Adam’s hold.

Tommy knows he should put a stop to it because Adam is out of control too. Adam thinks that if Tommy doesn’t do anything they’re not stepping over boundaries.

Adam is wrong.

*

He’s so fucking wrong, and when Adam’s hands are inside Tommy’s pants, in his briefs, Adam’s mouth catching his, he has to pull away, shake Adam off, make it stop because they’ll kill each other with this. 

“What is it, baby?” Adam whispers, not letting go entirely, but pulling back enough to see what’s going on. Tommy wants to give a medal to Adam because Adam is panting, rock hard and feverish, yet he’s stopping the moment Tommy says no with his body. 

“We’re not doing this,” Tommy says carefully, stroking Adam’s arm, pressing his forehead against Adam’s sweaty temple.

*

“Why?” Adam sounds like he’s losing everything, and it’s the worst thing Tommy has ever done to him. 

“I want to... Badly,” Tommy says, still gentle with his words, as gentle as he can be. “I’d be anything to you. I’d do anything for you. You were right, though, we’ll drag each other down. I won’t ever say no to you. You could ask for anything, and I’d give it to you. We’re not safe like that, not right now.”

“You’re saying no to me now,” Adam says accusingly.

“Only because you made it clear that you’d ask for more.”

*

Adam jerks back, but Tommy holds onto him, doesn’t let him go. “So it’s my fault? I’ll lose you because I dare to ask for things.”

“No, because you make it out of the ordinary.” Tommy knows he’s not explaining this well. “I don’t know if you’re doing it on purpose so I can pull away, or if it’s just how your mind works right now. You don’t let me touch you. That’s not normal. You want to control me. That could be normal, but not in this situation. You’re holding me back, and I’m telling you this won’t work.” 

*

Adam doesn’t say anything so Tommy continues quietly, “You’d hurt yourself.” He doesn’t say that Adam would hurt him too.

“You wanted this,” Adam says, hurt and angry. “You convinced me... Okay... Fuck.” Adam tries to pull away again, but Tommy doesn’t let go. He knows that if he does Adam won’t return. He’s the one Adam lets close. He can’t lose that now. 

“Stop it,” Tommy whispers.

“Fuck you.”

“I love you, but I can’t do this and neither can you. You’d make a game out of it. You’ve been dating me, for fuck’s sake.”

“Fuck off, Tommy.”

“No.”

*

“Let me go.” Adam sounds utterly cold. 

“I made a mistake,” Tommy says, soft, soft, careful. “Please. I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you. I’ll help you through this. But we’ll distract each other; we might even tear each other open. I’d hurt you. You’d hurt me. And we wouldn’t get anywhere.”

“I can’t go back to not having this.” It’s a hollow statement. “I have nothing.” … _if I don’t have you._

“That’s what I mean. I’d be a lifejacket, nothing more. I’d keep you on the surface for a while, but I wouldn’t be helping you for real.”

*

Adam leans closer, and Tommy knows he has him. He takes Adam’s weight, so relieved he can’t help the tears in his eyes. Adam sighs. 

“You fucked up,” Adam says, and there’s a pout in that voice. 

Tommy smiles against Adam’s cheek. “Big time.”

“I didn’t help.”

They are perfect for each other, such total morons. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m starting to understand how you feel about me.”

“Good.” He buries his face in Adam’s neck, puts his arms around Adam, and breathes deep.

“You’re such a weirdo.” Adam bites Tommy’s neck, then kisses it.

Tommy wholeheartedly agrees. “Ditto.”


	8. Angels and Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the darling @aislinntlc! Thank you, dear. <3

Tommy has a feeling he’s a little bit insane, and Adam is the physical formation of his insanity. They are back to normal, whatever normal is for them, but he’s still a willing slave to his former boss. 

This, right now, is a perfect example of that. 

He’s in a spa with Adam, getting treatments, and he’s been pampered all day. He’s now lying in a mud bath, cursing Adam under his breath. There’s mud in his butt crack. 

“Why do I do these things with you?” he asks Adam who’s in a similar bath next to him.

Adam grins.

*

“Stop smirking, asshole,” Tommy says, flicking mud in Adam’s direction.

Adam pats the top of Tommy’s head with a muddy hand. “There, there.”

That causes an all out war, Tommy flailing about like a crazy person and Adam laughing his ass off, trying to dodge Tommy’s attacks. When they finally stop, they are grinning at each other like fools, mud everywhere. 

“Oh my god.” Adam spits mud out of his mouth. “I might have to pay extra for this mess.”

Tommy sticks his tongue out. It serves Adam right for taking Tommy to a place like this. 

Adam sighs. “Tommy.”

*

His name sounds dirty, coming out of Adam’s mouth, and it makes Tommy tilt his chin up and lean against the tub, feeling cocky. 

He loves it when Adam plays with him. 

There’s silent threat in Adam’s eyes, and just as Adam is about to do something nasty the door to the spa room opens. 

It’s a woman in her early twenties with honey-colored hair, and she’s sneaking in like she’s not supposed to be there.

Adam and Tommy just stare at her. 

“Yeah, I know. I’m not supposed to be here. I was waiting outside, but nothing was happening.”

*

Adam looks like he’s about to scream, but Tommy puts his hand over Adam’s mouth and says, “Who are you?”

Adam bites Tommy’s fingers, and Tommy pulls his hand away, grimacing, but doesn’t take his eyes off the girl.

“Harper McKay, your private dick.” She bows. “And I have news for you. I’m being completely unprofessional, I know, but...” She sits on the edge of Tommy’s tub. “I usually get the job done.”

“You’re my what?” Adam asks, his voice hoarse. 

Harper smiles. “I know where your boyfriend went that night.”

“My ex,” Adam corrects automatically.

Harper nods. “Yes, him.”

*

“Why are you here?” Tommy asks, sinking deeper into the mud. “This is private.”

“Well, I thought you might not like the media to find out about me, and I was going to wait outside, but you were taking forever and I gotta go take my mom to the hospital in-” she looks at her watch, “thirty minutes. Knee surgery.”

Adam is still dumbfounded so Tommy says, “Then tell us what you’ve found out.”

“I have a report here.” She digs a folder out of her bag. “But the bottom line is, there’s a lot of shady going on here.”

*

Harper puts the file on a nearby table, then continues, “A week before the infamous fight, he was meeting lots of people, and my guess is he was paid to do this. I don’t know yet by whom, but I’ll find out. The police should’ve investigated this. You gave up too soon.” She points an accusing finger at Adam who looks offended and startled. “It’s much harder now because people forget who they’ve seen nearly a year ago, but I have my ways.”

Adam clears his throat, then finally says, “Why do you think he was paid to do this?”

*

Harper is quiet for a moment, then leans over Tommy’s tub slightly. It looks a little dangerous. “He met someone from your label.”

“Who?”

Tommy holds his breath when Harper says, “Someone from the finance department, Parker Davis. Do you know him?”

Adam shakes his head. “No, never heard of him.”

“I’m looking into him too. He seems like a good kid so he might just be the one delivering messages, but you never know. Everything is in that file.” She gets up, staring at them, a wicked-sweet smile on her face. “I’ll figure them out. It’s a promise.”

She disappears. 

*

“That was real?” Adam asks after a while.

Tommy nods. “Or I’m hallucinating with you.”

“My private detective is a teenager.” Adam sounds like he would despair if he wasn’t so shocked. 

Tommy snorts. 

“And did you hear her, this thing is bigger than we thought.”

Tommy was absolutely certain Adam wasn’t guilty, but it was good to hear it from someone else too. “Yeah, and those assholes will pay.” 

“I should’ve done this sooner. I should’ve... I don’t know. It’s so fucking frustrating now.” Adam leans back, closing his eyes. “I should’ve stopped him.”

“You were hurt,” Tommy whispers.

*

“How can I trust another label after this? How can I fucking trust anyone ever again? My instincts clearly suck. I know absolutely nothing about people. They can lie to me, and I don’t feel it. And I always thought I had a good idea about people. Like I know something, like there’s something more underneath my skin that lets me figure people out. And now, now I know I suck.”

“It takes time for you to trust yourself again,” Tommy says, although he has no idea what it takes. Time doesn’t heal all wounds.

“I hope,” Adam says softly.


	9. Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

They’ve covered the windows with black cloths and put a towel under the door to stop the light from coming in. Adam wanted complete darkness, so that’s what he gets. 

They’re sitting on the floor, side by side, their hands and knees touching, and Tommy has never been so aware of another person. 

It’s the middle of the night, and they don’t have to be anywhere. Adam’s apartment is silent.

“I’m afraid of the dark,” Adam confesses, and Tommy is sure he’s keeping his eyes closed.

“I’ll keep you safe. No monster will eat you while Tommy Joe keeps watch.”

*

“Thanks,” Adam says softly, his voice carrying a hint of amusement. 

“I’ll defend your honor against the army of darkness.” Tommy does not giggle. Nope, he does not. 

“Isn’t it the virgin who always survives in horror movies? I have absolutely no chance.”

Tommy takes Adam’s hand, entwines their fingers, and whispers urgently, “Did you hear that?”

Adam goes rigid. “Hear what?”

Tommy leans closer to Adam. “Your heart beating faster, you dimwit.” 

Adam grabs Tommy into a headlock and rubs his head with his knuckles. “You’re terrible.”

This time Tommy lets out a delighted giggle and doesn’t even care. 

*

They’re there because Adam wants to talk about Serious Stuff, and he doesn’t want to show his face when he does that. They could be doing this while lying on the bed, their eyes closed, but this is somehow easier. It’s like camping. Nothing bad ever happens when you’re camping (unless you live in a horror movie). 

Adam lets go of him finally, and Tommy pulls back, trying to hold back the giggles. He’s supposed to be creating an atmosphere where Adam feels comfortable enough to talk. 

“Harper called,” Adam says after a while, and Tommy worries his lip, listening. 

*

He doesn’t understand why she didn’t call the first time. Maybe because she wanted to show her face to Adam, or maybe because she’s a child and has no idea of proper behavior. Either way, Tommy likes her. “What did she say?”

The silences stretches between them, and it makes Tommy worry. He wants good news, good things, things that will save Adam from this half-life. 

“She has evidence of the meeting between the label guy and Lance: receipts, eye-witnesses, and she also has shady evidence that she can’t use in court, but it proves that there was a conspiracy.”

*

“Why?” Tommy asks, because they’ve been speculating but nothing has made sense. 

“She’s not sure yet, but she thinks it was a personal attack and not the label wanting to get rid of me. She had a very intimate conversation with the CEO, and he was sad to lose ‘the money making machine’ as he put it.”

Tommy coughs. “She had an intimate conversation with the CEO?”

Adam laughs. “She’s good.”

“I’ve noticed. We have to bake her cookies when this is over.”

“You’d burn them, and I’d eat all the dough. Some cookies they would be,” Adam says ruefully. 

*

Tommy leans his head against Adam’s shoulder, puts his hand on Adam’s knee, and says, “So when this is all over what will you do first?”

“When he’s behind bars and I have a new label behind me?”

Tommy grunts, and Adam curls a finger around Tommy’s bangs. 

“I’ll breathe freely for the first time in a long while.”

“Go up in the mountains?”

Adam sighs. “Yeah.”

The air in LA is heavy with pollution. Maybe Adam would like to go to Sierra Nevada where they have those massive trees. More oxygen. Maybe Tommy will take him there. “Sounds good.”

*

“Have you been talking with your new rep?” Tommy doesn’t say out loud that he’d like to know about the next gig and the next album and the next something because months of not working enough have made his savings disappear fast. He’s playing and recording, but it’s mostly fooling around like before because he’s been so focused on Adam. He’s letting himself be destroyed too, and it’s not a good thing. 

“She said she’s been having some talks, but nobody’s taking the bite because I’m damaged goods. It would be better if I had a solid case against Lance.”

*

“Yeah, good publicity right away: Adam Lambert goes to court against a betraying ex and signs a contract with New Air.”

“Sounds like an airline,” Adam says, stifling a giggle. 

Tommy snorts. “I’m not a journalist.”

“Too bad. You’d write the best articles about me: ‘My very cool boss is so very cool. You should hear him sing too because he has the bestest voice like ever.’” 

Tommy lets out a murderous scream and jumps on Adam, biting his shoulder, and they go down, Tommy on top of Adam and Adam hitting his head against the floor.

“Ouch.” Adam laughs.

*

“Stop laughing. I’m offended.” Tommy rests his elbows against Adam’s chest, staring down at him in the darkness. He can’t see anything, but he can feel Adam breathing under him. It’s good to know that they can joke about this, that Adam is moving forward and feeling stronger, that they can handle this.

Adam swallows the laughter, then says, “You’re the best, Tommy Joe,” and pulls Tommy’s head down against his shoulder. It’s easy to press his nose against Adam’s neck, to breathe in Adam’s scent like he belongs to Tommy. And maybe he does. Maybe this is their beginning. 

 

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about missing last week, but I finished my TJRBB fic, and that sucked all energy out of me. This was betaed by the sweet, sweet @aislinntlc. The title is from an old Simon and Garfunkel song.


	10. Fire Burns

Tommy sits on the curb, shaking. He watches his apartment building being eaten by the fire, a half of the neighborhood ogling at it with him. There are two firetrucks, at least seven firemen, and lots and lots of water. 

Nobody died. Someone just had a way too old television. 

Tommy is never going to buy one of those ever again. He’s trying to eat healthy foods. He’s not drinking much. He’s a pretty safe driver since he drives as little as possible. Then this happens. 

Someone puts a hand on his shoulder and he turns to look at them.

*

“It’s going to be okay,” Mike says, his voice soft. 

Tommy has two of his guitars with him. He also has a few of them at Brian’s place. The rest... His heart clenches. He has his wallet, his passport, his phone, a bag full of clothes, a few stupid CDs and DVDs, and his laptop. He knows his mom would yell at him for taking anything with him, but he couldn’t leave his babies. 

He couldn’t carry everything out. There was already too much smoke at the stairway. 

Mike has even less stuff with him so Tommy considers himself lucky. 

*

“Call Adam,” Mike says, grabbing Tommy’s backpack and digging out his phone. “Call him. My sister is coming to pick me up.”

“I don’t want to bother him with this,” Tommy says, pushing the phone away. “He has enough problems in his life.”

“He’s the only one you know who has enough room to have you over for more than a few days. You’ve been helping him; what kind of a friend wouldn’t want to help you out in return.”

Tommy shakes his head. The sheer idea makes him feel cold. He doesn’t want to use Adam’s kindness ever. “No.”

*

“You’re insane, you know that?” Mike goes through Tommy’s contact list. “What about your sister?”

“No, I don’t want to scare her. I’m too upset. Bridget... No, okay. No.”

“Isaac?”

“He’s not home. I can’t bother Sophie, not at this hour.”

Mike looks frustrated. “Your mom?” Tommy shakes his head. “Dave?”

He can’t. None of them deserve to be bothered like this. “I can go to a hotel,” Tommy finally says, and Mike slaps the back of his head gently. “No, you can’t. You’re upset and hurt and grieving. I’m taking you with me if we can’t find anyone.”

“Fuck.”

*

Mike grins, his teeth too white in the darkness. He looks a little sinister. “I’m calling Adam,” he says, and Tommy tries to take the phone from him, but can’t. 

Mike takes a few steps back, and when Adam answers he says: “It’s Mike. Sorry that I’m calling this late. No, he’s fine. He’s good. He just needs some help. Would you be able to come and pick him up?” Mike pauses. “Our apartment burned down. Yes, he lost most of them. Two. He’s fine. No hospital needed. Yeah, okay, I’ll be waiting with him. Thank you.”

Tommy glares. “Fucker.”

*

“He’s happy to help you. And you know what, he deserves a chance to help you for a change. He’s tolerated your skinny ass fussing over him all this time. Give him the right to do the same.”

Tommy huffs, but he knows Mike is right. It’s just so hard to let anyone help him. He feels like he owes everything to Adam. If Adam saves him from this predicament too, he’ll never be able to pay back the debt. 

“I don’t want to be a burden,” he mutters, and Mike sits next to him, putting an arm around him.

*

Mike puts his chin on Tommy’s shoulder and says, “You can never be a burden.”

“I feel so awful right now. I’ll just make him miserable.” Tommy bites his trembling lip. Stupid lip, stupid body, stupid burning eyes. He wiggles his toes in his boots. He’s dressed up in mix and match clothes, his black pajama pants tucked into his black leather boots. He only managed to save one jacket, the long one with big buttons. Meh, he never even uses it. 

“You’re allowed to feel miserable,” Mike says, making kissy faces at him. 

“Not around other people,” Tommy mutters.

*

“Oh, fuck you. You are allowed to make me miserable too. And him. And everyone. You never do, but you’re allowed. I give you permission to be sucky.”

Tommy snorts. 

“I promise the world won’t end if you cry against his shoulder. He might even be happy to help you.”

“I’m not gonna cry.” Tommy sniffles. 

Mike pats the side of Tommy’s head. “You’re a lovable fool.”

“He lost everything,” Tommy whispers, keeping his eyes closed. 

“So did you. You can feel sorry for yourself too. It’s okay.”

“Meh...”

Mike pulls Tommy’s head against his shoulder. “You lost your job.”

*

“I know.” Tommy settles closer to Mike.

“You lost the music. You lost what you’ve worked so hard for. And now you lost this.” Mike holds onto him tighter, rocks him even, and Tommy wants to pull away but he doesn’t. “It’s okay to be sad for yourself too.”

Tommy bites his lips, fights the feelings. “I don’t want that.”

“I know,” Mike says with a lot of affection. “I know.”

“I don’t want him to feel bad for me.”

“He’ll feel good for feeling bad for you, for being able to take care of you.”

“Fuck it. No way.” 

*

Tommy tries to pull back, but Mike doesn’t let him. It’s frustrating, but he accepts it, lets Mike be Mike. It’s hard, though. 

“Tommy?” That is Adam. 

Tommy opens his eyes slowly, looking up. Adam looks exactly like he imagined: disheveled, mismatched, and scared. 

“Are you okay?”

Tommy wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, then smiles. “Yeah, perfect.”

“Don’t let him lie his way out of this,” Mike says, getting up and pulling Tommy up with him. “You know him.”

Adam nods, still looking at Tommy. “Which ones did you save?”

“Hendrix and Cobain.” He feels weak.

*

“Can we go?” Adam asks Mike. “Is it okay? Are you... okay?”

“Yeah, my sister is coming soon. Go. Take care of him. Give him a roof over his head.” Mike pats Adam’s arm. “And thank you.”

Adam nods, looks around, taking in the few things Tommy managed to gather before leaving. He picks up the guitars, and Tommy takes the backpack - all that is left of his earthly belongings. He feels light and fantastic and so uprooted he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Tommy didn’t even realize how cold he was before getting into Adam’s warm car.

*

Adam puts the heat on without saying a word, and Tommy is grateful. His teeth are clattering. 

He puts his hands into his armpits, thinking about his room, his guitars, his bed, his shirts and pants, his books and movies, his photographs. Most of it is replaceable but not all. He wipes his nose quickly and then pushes his hand back into the warmth of his armpit. He’s a miserable little ball of fluff. 

“Are you hungry?” Adam asks quietly after a while. 

Tommy nods. 

Adam gets them Mexican food, and the smell is so delicious Tommy starts to salivate.

*

“Thanks for coming,” Tommy says as he eats his taco, making a mess out of Adam’s car. 

“Anytime, baby. You should know that.”

Tommy pouts. 

“You should,” Adam repeats, glancing at him. “I’m more than happy to help.”

“I guess so.” When he’s finished eating they’re almost at Adam’s place. Adam hits the code of the gate, and they drive into the garage under the building. 

They take the elevator to the fifteenth floor. 

Adam takes him to the guest room, finds clean sheets and helps Tommy put them on the bed, then gives him a towel, too. 

“Welcome home.”

*

Tommy looks at Adam, taken by surprise, and suddenly there are tears in his eyes. Adam is right there, hugging him, and Tommy wraps his arms around Adam’s middle, feeling so freaking small. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Adam whispers softly. “I didn’t mean to say anything bad. I just want you to feel like you can stay.”

Tommy nods, clinging to Adam. 

“You’re welcome here. Always will be. You can stay as long as you like.”

Tommy tries to get even closer. It’s so stupid. He has nowhere else to go. He tries so hard to stay on his own two feet. 

*

Adam walks him towards the bed, and then sits there with him. They are a tangled mess of arms and legs, and Tommy tries not to fall apart. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You’ll be fine. I love you.”

Tommy breathes, long and deep, reigning in the feelings, the overwhelming fear of not being able to take care of himself, of Adam, of anyone. 

“I’m so glad you let Mike call me. Thank you.” Adam pushes Tommy’s hair off his face. “You believe me?”

He tries. “Yeah, okay.”

Adam laughs softly. “You’re so stubborn.”

He is.


	11. Say What You Want

After days turn to weeks, Tommy finally allows Adam to take care of him. He hasn’t been this dependent on anyone since he moved out of his parents’ house when he was nineteen, and it weirds him out more than he’s willing to admit. Still, it’s nice because Adam is totally crazy. Normally they don’t even sleep at night because Tommy can’t sleep and Adam can stay up as long as he likes. It’s weird in a good way. It makes him feel normal for a change. 

And they also establish strange habits, like sharing the bathroom when they shower.

*

Adam doesn’t mind if Tommy sits on the dressing table and chats about dinner, friends, music, TV shows, whatever comes to his mind, while Adam takes a shower. 

So that’s what he’s doing now. The water is running, and the air in the bathroom is hot and steamy, and it feels so, so good. 

He’s talking about _Person of Interest_ , the coolest TV show he’s seen for a long while, and Adam is humming and making little agreeing noises every time something like that is needed. They started watching it a week ago, and they’ve seen the first season already.

*

Adam’s hand comes into view from behind the shower curtain, and Tommy gives him a towel. It’s part of their routine too. It’s so comfortable it should be scary. It isn’t at all. 

Adam steps out of the shower, the towel around his waist, and he looks like he’s expecting something from Tommy. 

Oh, he was in the middle of saying something. “I forgot,” he blurts, and Adam grins. 

“Adorable.” He hears Adam mutter, and that’s just... Tommy pokes at Adam’s side.

Adam jumps away from him, squealing, and the towel falls to his feet. 

Tommy stares without shame, laughing.

*

“Haha, very funny,” Adam says, picking up his towel, but instead of putting it around his waist again, he puts it on his shoulders, and then pushes Tommy out of the way so he can see the mirror properly. 

He takes out his shaving cream and razor. 

It’s fascinating to watch Adam shave, and suddenly, Tommy has nothing to say. Their lives are still too messed up, but he’s honestly starting to feel like Adam could be good for him, like he could be something good for Adam, too. 

“You’re staring,” Adam says, not looking at Tommy.

“Well, you’re gorgeous.”

*

Adam nicks his skin, inhaling sharply and then finding a piece of paper to stop the bleeding. “Fuck.”

“Be careful,” Tommy says, trying to bite back the shit-eating-grin. 

Adam glances at Tommy, his eyes flashing. “Be quiet or I’ll kick you out.”

Before Adam puts the razor anywhere near his neck Tommy leans closer and whispers in his ear, “Want to show me my place?”

Adam looks surprised, then his eyes turn dark, but he says nothing, just shaves his face with steady, quick hands. When he’s finished he uses the towel to tap his face clean.

Tommy waits patiently. 

*

He knows he stepped over the boundaries they created when they decided this thing between them was not good for them. He still isn’t sure if they’d be good for each other, but there’s just something about the silence between them that feels comfortable. 

He likes living with Adam. He likes waking up in the morning and hearing Adam sing. He likes the taste of Adam’s coffee, the one he makes for Tommy because he drinks tea himself. He likes these moments in the bathroom, or all the stupid times Adam doesn’t sleep because Tommy can’t. He likes it here.

*

Tommy realizes he might have jabbed at the beehive because Adam goes very still, then puts the towel down and turns towards Tommy, his movements deliberate and slow.

Tommy spreads his legs because Adam looks like he wants to step between them. He stares at Adam defiantly. 

“So,” Adam says, pushing Tommy’s hair behind his ear. “What is this? Another act with good intentions but wrong reasons? Do you want to comfort me, Tommy Joe?”

Tommy tilts his head, but says nothing. His heart is fighting to keep up with his racing mind.

“What did you tell me?” Adam asks.

*

He’s confused so he lets that show on his face, and Adam curls a hand in his hair.

“You said something about being unable to say no to me. Are you past that?”

Tommy swallows. “I’m... even less independent now.” 

Adam smiles. “But you’re stronger, aren’t you?” He puts his other hand on Tommy’s knee and pulls him closer. “You know what you want.”

Tommy closes his eyes briefly, then looks at Adam. “Yeah.”

“You want me, don’t you?” Adam is so close his lips are touching Tommy’s cheek. “Don’t you, Tommy?”

He touches Adam’s thighs with his bare feet. 

*

He’s wearing Adam’s black pajama pants and his own blue T-shirt. He’s glad there’s something between his skin and Adam’s nakedness. “I want you to tell me how you want me.”

“No, Tommy, if you want anything you tell me.”

He can’t say what he wants, how he wants. He knows he wants Adam. “I can’t,” he whispers.

“You can,” Adam says, his forehead against Tommy’s. He takes Tommy’s wrists and holds his hands against the table. “Tell me.”

A part of him panics, but a lot of him stays grounded with Adam’s hold. “I want you to kiss me.”

*

Adam lets out a pleased hum. “What else?”

“I want to shower with you.” He’s now letting images flow into his mind. “I want you to... suck me off.”

“In the shower?”

“Yeah, I want to see you on your knees.” He keeps his eyes closed. “I want to know how your fingers feel inside my mouth. I want you to push me against the wall and spread me open, fuck into me. I want you to hold me still. I want you in me.”

“God, Tommy,” Adam whispers against his temple. Adam is hard between them. 

“Fuck me, please.”

*

Adam’s hands are shaking when he lets go of Tommy’s wrists and captures Tommy’s face instead. “You’re serious?”

He tries to nod, but Adam is holding his head too tightly. “Yes.”

“I want to fuck your perfect mouth,” Adam says against his lips, his hands moving lower, pulling Tommy’s hips against his own. Tommy wraps his legs around Adam’s waist easily. 

He’s had Adam’s tongue and fingers in his ass, but he doesn’t know how it feels to make Adam come. He wants to see Adam’s face when it happens. “You believe me? You believe I want this for real?”

*

Adam pulls back, grabs the waistband of Tommy’s pants, and Tommy lifts his ass up, lets Adam take them off, make him naked. 

Then Adam just looks at him, makes him embarrassed with his eyes because they are branding him. Adam moves close, pulls Tommy’s legs around his waist, and then carries him into the shower. 

Adam kisses him when the water runs down Tommy’s face and makes his hair wet. Adam kisses him when he washes Tommy all over, touching him more than is necessary. Adam goes down on his knees and the water feels hotter against Tommy’s skin.

* 

He comes with Adam’s mouth around his cock, the hands on his waist the only thing keeping him up. Adam swallows around him, takes him deep into his throat, and Tommy feels like he might faint.

Adam pulls back, then kisses Tommy’s inner thigh, and all Tommy can do is shake. “Do you want everything at once, or parts of it later?” Adam is looking up at him. 

Tommy thinks about words, but none of them feel right. He pulls Adam up to his feet, and wraps his hand around Adam’s cock. 

It’s the first time he’s ever done that.

*

Adam feels heavier in his hand, hot and strong and a little intimidating, but at the same time, it’s amazing that he can make Adam moan, that he can make Adam grab his hair so tightly it hurts and makes his eyes water. 

It feels incredible, and under the warmth of the water, he makes Adam shudder and come all over his hand. 

The shower washes most of it away, but he brings his hand close to his mouth and licks his fingers, tastes Adam, and Adam looks at Tommy like he’s never seen anyone like him.

Tommy breathes quietly.

*

“Later,” Tommy whispers in Adam’s ear, and Adam holds him close. “I want it all later... Can’t now.”

He can feel Adam’s laughter against his chest. “I can’t either. You rewired my system.”

Adam electrified him so he’s very pleased that it was mutual. “I’m glad,” he murmurs against Adam’s chest. It feels good to have his arms around Adam, to have Adam holding him, to be naked and accepted, to be himself. 

“You are wonderful,” Adam says softly. “Truly wonderful.”

“Thank you.” 

Adam leans against the wall, hugging Tommy, and they stay in the shower for a long while.


	12. Growth

Harper has invited Adam for a nature walk, and Tommy tags along because he has nothing better to do. Besides, he is interested in seeing the girl-detective again. 

She asked them to wear hiking boots and clothes that fit outdoors. It’s a warm day so they settle for pants made of thin fabric and light-colored shirts with long sleeves so they won’t get burned. 

Tommy is secretly very excited because he would never do this on his own. He loves nature. Nature just doesn’t love him. He burns easily, and he’s in bad shape - too much beer and sitting around. 

*

They meet Harper at the beginning of the marked route. Her eyes are shining brightly, and her honey-colored hair is in a loose ponytail, strands of hair framing her face. Tommy feels like hugging her, but that would be totally inappropriate. There’s just something about the way she carries herself, and how eager she is to help. 

She greets Adam with a handshake, saying, “Hello, hi, oh my god, you look so good,” and then she turns to Tommy, waving her hand, smiling. “And so good to see you too, trusty sidekick.” 

Tommy smiles back. “Nice to see you too.”

*

He could be offended by her words, but there was nothing nasty in them. She just seemed to acknowledge Tommy’s worth in the game they are all playing. 

It’s clear her mind is constantly ticking. 

“Shall we,” Harper says, leading them into the woods. It’s an early morning so nobody else is there yet. Adam is wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap so not many people would recognize him anyway. 

The road is big enough for them to walk side by side, Adam in the middle and Tommy on his right side. It feels comfortable, and Tommy breathes in deep.

*

Harper glances at Adam. “Tell me about that night?”

The good mood is gone, and Tommy stares daggers at Harper. Adam is stiff as a brick next to him. 

“You’ve read the reports,” Adam says, his voice pained. 

“There might be something you left out, something that wasn’t significant to the cops, but would be to me.”

“What do you want to know?”

“How did he come home?”

“A friend drove him home.”

“Mutual friend or his friend?”

“His friend. I didn’t know the guy.”

“And the police questioned him too?”

“You know they did.” 

“But only briefly,” Harper says.

*

“Yeah, they were sure I had beat him up. There was my skin under his fingernails. My knuckles were bloody, but I only hit the wall.”

“I want to question that guy too, but it’s very hard to find him. He’s the one who saw Lance beaten and bloody before he came home. He’s the strong witness.”

Adam groans. “He’ll never talk.”

“Why do you think so?” Harper asks innocently, and Tommy is suddenly sure he never wants to get on the wrong side of her.

Adam seems to feel it too, and he pauses. “Maybe I should rethink this.”

*

Harper grins. “Yes, you should. Do you have anything that might make it easier for me to find him? He has dropped off the face of the earth.”

Adam thinks about it, then says, “I might have some of Lance’s old papers. I didn’t burn everything. And I still have e-mails, invitations to parties, that kind of stuff. Maybe there’s something there that you can use.”

“Good, that sounds perfect.” She smiles at them, then steps off the road, walking backwards. “Come here.”

They’re both a little wary because she’s slightly intimidating. Still, they follow her deeper into the woods.

*

She stops by a huge oak tree, then counts five long steps away from it, and starts digging the ground with a small shovel. 

Tommy and Adam stare at her in amazement. 

“My mom made me do this every time we came here. She can’t now because of her knee so I promised to do it for her.” She digs for a while until there’s a big enough hole in the earth. Then she puts a small seed into the hole, and asks Adam and Tommy to get their hands dirty, too. Together they cover the tree seed with care.

* 

Then she takes a bottle out of her backpack and pours all the water on the soil where the little seed is hidden. “Now we hope it’ll grow to be a big tree like the brother next to him.” 

Tommy’s legs start to get numb so he stands up, feeling a little overwhelmed and wanting to hide it from her. He wipes the dirt off his hands, then crosses his arms against his chest because he doesn’t know what to do with the hands that helped plant something. 

He feels good about it, and it’s excitement bubbling beneath his skin. 

*

When they walk back to their car they walk mostly in silence, but then Adam leans in and whispers in Tommy’s ear, “I want a small garden.”

It makes Tommy want to kiss Harper because the things Adam wants these days can be counted with one hand’s fingers. 

Tommy smiles at Adam, and before he knows it Adam brushes his mouth with his own. It’s quick and sudden and over faster than Tommy can even register, but it makes him feel like it’s becoming real, this thing they have. It makes his toes curl.

Tommy waves at Harper for goodbye.


	13. Be Still, My Beating Heart

Tommy sits on the side of the fountain outside the Two Rodeo mall, waiting for Adam. It’s a sunny day, and he has his shades on which is a good thing because he feels out of place. This is the part of LA that always seems fake to him. It’s supposed to be a European style mall, but it feels like a movie set. 

He sighs. Adam is late. 

Two girls sit next to him, giggling together, and he pulls at his bangs, hoping they’re not fans. He doesn’t get attention that much anymore, but those odd moments happen sometimes.

*

The girls disappear before he gets too agitated, but Adam keeps him waiting. It’s fifteen past two already, and usually Adam calls if he’s caught up with something. He sends Adam a message: _where u at fucker?_

Adam had a meeting with his new publicist, and after that, he was supposed to come here so they could buy some clothes for Tommy to replace the ones he lost in the fire. Tommy hates shopping less if Adam is with him. 

After twenty minutes of waiting, he sees Adam running towards him. Adam looks angry and frustrated, and he’s sweaty, too.

*

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Adam says, pulling Tommy up and into a hug. “A flat tire, a broken phone, and a meeting that ran late. Everything sucks. Sorry.” 

Tommy wraps his arms around Adam, his anger leaving him because Adam is far more upset on his behalf. Tommy doesn’t have to be. He just buries his nose in Adam’s neck and breathes deep, smiling. 

“I should’ve tried to find a phone, but I just wanted to get here as fast as I could.” Adam pulls him even closer and Tommy goes happily. This is his home.

“It’s okay,” Tommy mumbles. 

*

When Adam tries to pull back Tommy doesn’t let go. He gets to keep Adam, and Adam has no say in it. 

Adam lets out a soft laugh. “Did you miss me?”

They’re not sleeping in the same bed yet, but waking up to an empty house is not cool even though he knew Adam would be gone. He bites Adam’s neck, and Adam breathes in, a little surprised maybe. Tommy noses the side of Adam’s face. He doesn’t like words that much. 

Adam relaxes in his arms. “So you’re not mad?”

He shakes his head and feels Adam smile.

*

Shopping turns out to be surprisingly fun. Tommy just has to walk into a shop, and Adam brings him all the clothes he could ever need. Tommy rejects the ones he doesn’t like and tries on the ones that could be okay. Together they judge all the outfits, and eventually, Tommy has five different bags of clothes. 

After that, they go to eat. Adam has booked a table for them, and at first, everything is perfect. 

Then, a middle-aged woman approaches their table, and warning bells go off in Tommy’s head. He can’t do anything before she’s screaming at Adam.

*

It’s an absurd situation, something Tommy just looks at because things like this don’t happen. People have looked at Adam like he’s scum, and he’s been trashed in every magazine that has ever written about celebrities, but people have kept their distance, have been too afraid to approach him. He’s been rejected, abandoned, forgotten, but nobody has attacked him. 

This woman feels the need to tell Adam that she’s lost her faith in people because of him, because she was his biggest fan and he betrayed her trust. He’s the worst of the worst.

The staff just stares at them.

*

Tommy doesn’t know what to do, and he doesn’t dare to look at Adam. He doesn’t want to see the defeated look on his face, doesn’t want to know what this does to him, how this breaks him, makes him think like he’ll never get over this. 

Then he hears Adam say, “I didn’t do it.”

The woman falls silent, disbelief on her face. 

“I didn’t hurt him. I was set up.”

The woman looks at Adam, then Tommy, then Adam again. “But you were sentenced… You never gave a statement. You never said anything.”

“I was hurt,” Adam says.

*

It’s clear the woman has no idea what to believe, but Tommy sees she wants to trust Adam. “Is it true?” 

Adam nods.

“There are so many people who believe you were wrongly accused, and others say they are cray… crazy.” The woman takes a step back. “I’m… I’m sorry. It’s just been so upsetting to us. We loved you.”

Adam looks like he’s been stabbed. “Yeah… I know.”

After one more apology, the woman is gone, and they fall into silence. Tommy feels light-headed because something big happened there, and he doesn’t know what.

Adam sighs, hiding his face. 

*

Tommy looks at him, reaches out, and touches the side of Adam’s face. “Hey.”

Adam smiles, the expression more sad than anything when he reveals his face. “I have to talk to them.”

“The fans?”

Adam nods. “Some of them are still there even though I haven’t been on Twitter for months.”

“Do it tonight. Tell them you’re taking action. Let the world know. Harper is far enough in her enquiries. Nobody can stop her or you now.” 

Adam turns to kiss Tommy’s palm, then says, “I love you.” Before Tommy can say anything, he adds, “In love... with you.”

*

Maybe Tommy knew that, maybe he’s known it for a while now. Maybe he’s loving Adam back. “Yeah?” he whispers. 

Adam takes the hand that is still touching his face, and he kisses Tommy’s knuckles. “Loving you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Tommy bites his lip, his heart in his throat. 

“I’m grateful for everything. Isn’t that just ridiculous?” Adam grins, still sad, his eyes heavy on Tommy.

Everything about them is ridiculous. _I love you back_ , he mouths, too afraid to say it out loud. He doesn’t want the world to steal it from him.


	14. Lay Me Down

Tommy has started to think of Adam’s apartment as home, and he doesn’t even know when that happened. It’s just that when Adam pulls him in, kisses his cheek and _lingers_ , Tommy feels peaceful. They are inside, behind closed doors, and nobody can get to them, not fans, not lawyers, not paparazzi, nobody. 

He’s Adam’s, and Adam is his, and he doesn’t have to pretend like he knows what he’s doing. 

They’ve been fooling around. Adam has had his mouth around Tommy’s cock more times than he can count, but there have still been barriers.

Right now, there are none.

*

Adam kisses a trail down Tommy’s jaw to his neck, and it feels tender, quiet, and Tommy doesn’t want it any other way, not right now. Adam loves him, and he’s going to let Adam show it. They deserve this. 

Adam deserves this. 

His shirt falls on the floor, and he doesn’t feel exposed, not in front of Adam. He lets his fingers curl in Adam’s hair, and he smiles the kind of rare smile he dares to give only to a few special people. “Please stay,” Adam says softly, kissing the side of Tommy’s mouth. 

It’s not a request. 

*

It’s just something Adam hopes will happen, lets Tommy know that it’s what he wants. A part of Tommy aches because Adam has learned that very few things are permanent. 

“Remember what I told you all those years ago?” Tommy whispers against Adam’s mouth. 

Adam jerks back, but Tommy doesn’t let go. “That you’ll leave only if I hit you and tell you to go.”

“I know now it’s never going to happen.” He knows who Adam is, knows him at his most bare. 

Adam laughs, the kind of sound that is so rare nowadays. It’s void of sadness. 

*

It’s good to hear it, and Tommy presses his face and body closer to Adam, needing to feel connected to him. 

There’s a smile in Adam’s voice when he says, “You’re smothering me.”

“Good.” He takes a step forward, then another until he has Adam against the wall. “You deserve to be smothered.” He wants Adam to know how happy this makes him, how much he’s changed because of Adam, how he wouldn’t be this alive without him. Everything in him is pulsing with life because they are here together. “I want you to give it to me,” he says.

*

“Give it to you?” Adam is grinning. “Oh Tommy.”

“Shut up,” he mutters against Adam’s neck. The bastard is laughing at him. 

“You want me in you?” Adam whispers, softer, gentler all of a sudden. 

“I kind of want you never to leave.” It’s hard to confess such a thing. “I want you to stay inside me.”

Adam makes an odd noise, something between a sob and an inhale, then he gathers Tommy in his arms, pulls Tommy’s legs around his waist, and carries him into the bedroom. 

No matter what they’ve done and who they’ve become, _this_ is new.

*

Adam lays Tommy on the bed, carefully like he might break. 

Tommy is grateful for the tenderness, though, because this is scary. There are too many feelings, and he has to let go of ideas of himself, of them, of what sex is to him, and it’s not easy.

“I love your tattoos,” Adam says, kissing Tommy’s skin from his elbow to his shoulder, giving attention to horror and blood splatters, then bites Tommy’s neck. 

It’s a good, anchoring feeling, and he relaxes in Adam’s hold, knowing that this is exactly where he wants to be.

Adam kisses Tommy softly.

*

It doesn’t end, not even when Adam gets rid of their clothes. It seems like Adam doesn’t want to let go of him, doesn’t want any space between them. It makes Tommy whine because Adam stays, presses so close it’s almost unbearable. 

If they’re not kissing, Adam’s face is against Tommy’s, their foreheads touching, Adam’s eyes on him. 

Adam moves on top of him, liquid motion and teasing tenderness, and it’s all good because he’s not ready for anything else.

It’s incredible how much patience Adam has with him, how he doesn’t rush this, just whispers love in his ear.

*

When Adam pushes a finger inside him he keeps Tommy close, lies on his side, kissing him, his fist in Tommy’s hair. 

It affects Tommy’s body, and he can’t stop moving, can’t stop trying to get closer to Adam. He’s not entirely in control of himself, of the noises he makes, of the way he searches for Adam’s mouth, spills his heart and soul into those heated kisses. 

Two fingers stretch him wider, and as they move in and out of his body he tries to prepare himself for what’s coming. He knows Adam will make him crack wide open.

*

“I’ve never seen anyone move like you,” Adam whispers, and it’s embarrassing. He doesn’t want to know how out of control he is, and how it looks to Adam. It’s not something he can take lightly: being different, being somehow special. “I can’t believe you can’t dance,” Adam says against Tommy’s temple. “I can’t believe how unaware of yourself you are.”

“Shut up,” Tommy groans, then grabs Adam’s arm because Adam twists his fingers and they brush his prostate. He swallows the noises, tries to hide from Adam’s eyes, but Adam stops him by saying, “Please keep looking at me.”

*

He looks Adam in the eyes, holds his gaze even though it’s hard. Adam’s fingers are deep inside him, only rubbing him now, making him feel the kind of fullness he’s not used to feeling. 

“Please do something,” Tommy whispers, and when Adam shifts his weight, their lips almost touch, Adam’s breath ghosting over Tommy’s mouth. Adam pulls his fingers out slowly, watching Tommy’s expressions shift and change. It feels too intimate, too raw, vulnerable. 

Adam strokes Tommy’s side, his hand warm and wide. “You’re so beautiful.”

He’s lying on his back, Adam between his spread thighs, staring at him.

*

There’s a condom in Adam’s hand, and for a second Tommy thinks it’s for him. He loses his mind a little bit when he realizes it’s not. It’s not. Adam rolls it on his own cock, then gets himself wet, and leans over Tommy, hugging him tightly. “You look scared.”

“Terrified,” he confesses, out of breath. 

“Of what? I’m not going to hurt you.”

He knows. “I’m already tied to you.” He pauses, breathing. “I don’t know how to hold onto myself.”

Adam kisses him, coaxes his mouth open, ripping the seams, breaking him. “I’ll hold you together.”

Tommy laughs.

*

It’s a scared sound. 

“I’ll love you,” Adam whispers, then shifts a little, his cock head right there, right next to Tommy’s opening, and it feels like the end of the world. Tommy doesn’t know this realm.

He expects it to hurt, but it doesn’t. Adam just slides in slowly, being so careful, holding Tommy so close it’s impossible for him to panic. It feels good, too, and that he wasn’t expecting at all. It curls his body, makes him arch closer to Adam, makes him let out a low groan. 

“Breathe,” Adam says, looking at Tommy, his eyes warm.

*

Tommy breathes, trying not to think that he’s letting Adam make love to him, that he’s letting Adam look at him, and he’s looking back, breathing with Adam. 

Adam’s eyes are dark, heavy with desire and possession. He’s never seen Adam look like that, like Tommy is in on a secret Adam never shares with anyone. It’s both gorgeous and terrifying, and he wants to close his eyes, but he can’t. “Please,” he bleeds, and Adam can breathe in the word. They are so close. 

Adam moves on top of him, pulls out a little and then leans back in.

*

It’s slow and very, very quiet in a way it’s never been before. Tommy wraps his legs around Adam, trying to gain some control, but it’s not possible. Adam has captured him with his eyes, holds him there, pinned. 

And since Adam is moving carefully, tenderly, slowly, he’s also constantly in contact with Tommy’s prostate. It’s not possible to take it without writhing, without moving with Adam, into Adam, and it makes it even better.

Tommy pants against Adam’s chin, Adam’s arms under his shoulders, holding him in place.

Adam isn’t in control either; he’s shaking on top of Tommy.

*

“I love you,” Adam whispers, burying his face in Tommy’s neck, getting even closer. Tommy’s hands are in Adam’s hair, keeping him slightly connected to the idea that this isn’t just happening to him, that he’s not just losing himself but finding someone else, too. 

Then Adam stops for a while, buried deep inside him, and Tommy goes quiet, waiting. 

“I want to flip us over,” Adam says, his lips brushing Tommy’s ear. “I want you on top of me.”

“Yeah, okay,” he whispers, getting ready, shattering a little.

Adam stays inside him when he switches their positions. “Tommy… Fuck...”

*

He rubs his face against Adam, needing the connection. Adam’s hands find his ass and stay there, pulling him up a little and then down while Adam thrusts against him. The fullness is overwhelming, and Tommy grabs Adam’s shoulders, trying to deal with it, lifting himself up just a bit. 

“Ride me, please,” Adam says, his eyes on Tommy.

He puts his hands on Adam’s chest and sits up, staring at Adam, his body taking what Adam is giving him.

Adam looks shocked. “Oh my god...”

He wiggles on top of Adam, and Adam closes his eyes, squeezing Tommy’s ass. 

*

It’s a great position for Tommy to choose the rhythm, the depth of their connection, and he relaxes a little more, smiling. 

“What?” Adam asks, moving slightly under Tommy’s weight, thrusting up. 

Tommy’s breath catches, but he keeps his eyes focused on Adam. “It feels good.”

Adam lifts Tommy up again, then pulls him down, bottoming out, and after that, it becomes faster, hotter, more fucking and less lovemaking, and it feels good all the way down to Tommy’s toes.

They keep the eye contact, though, so it stays sweet, stays gentle and loving.

It’s intense in a perfect way.

*

Adam wants Tommy to come first, wants him to shake apart and go rigid over him, wants him to let go completely, and he does because Adam is looking at him like he created music and all the words, too. Tommy becomes undone, Adam’s cock inside him, Adam’s hands spreading him, making him move. He jerks himself off, and when there’s nothing left to spill on Adam’s stomach he collapses on top of him. Adam thrusts into him two more times until he comes, shaking beautifully.

It’s good to know that he can make Adam cry out. He feels powerful. 

*

Lying there, Adam still inside him, his arms and legs weak in a way that is completely new, Tommy grins like a fool. 

“I can hear you smiling,” Adam says, trying to get Tommy to lift his face up so they can kiss or talk or whatever. Tommy's in his happy place, and he’s not moving. “Are you dead to the world?”

Tommy nods his head against Adam’s hands, and Adam mercifully lets go and doesn’t demand anything from him. He just takes Tommy’s weight.

“You’re my favorite,” Adam says. “Have always been.”

Tommy’s grin widens. 

“You’re my greatest love.”

 

TBC...


	15. Lies Come Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to keep it as authentic as possible. Some legal help was given by @glamlawyer, @leela_cat and @aislinntlc. Thank you, bbs.

They get a call from Harper two nights after they start sleeping in the same bed. She wants to come over, and they have nothing against it so they invite her to their home. 

At first it’s strange to Tommy that Adam even asks him if it’s okay that Harper comes, but then, he notices how entwined in each other they are, how his guitars are lined up against the bedroom wall, and his movies are alphabetized with Adam’s. He’s going to stay. He belongs here. 

Tommy cleans a bit before Harper arrives, Adam smiling fondly at him. The fucker.

*

Then Tommy makes tea, and takes cupcakes out of the freezer and warms them up because they’ve invited someone over. He’s his mother’s son after all. He’s never had a home that feels like a place where he can invite others. 

When Harper rings the gate bell Tommy lets her in and then waits by the door until she comes in. They hug because apparently that’s something they do now. She cares for Adam, and that makes her his ally. 

She squeals when she sees the cupcakes. “Oh my god… For me?” She turns to look at Tommy.

“Help yourself.”

*

They munch on the cupcakes, sitting at the kitchen table, and then finally, Harper pushes her plate back and looks at Adam. “Do you remember Conrad Milton?”

Adam jerks his head up, surprised. “Him?”

“Yes. You rejected his ideas, and if I understood correctly… his advances as well?”

“But… How? He was entirely professional the whole time. He never… He never gave the vibe.”

Harper sighs. “The scariest assholes are the ones who are so normal you can’t see through them. They can be so charming.”

“Did you find anything about Lance’s friend?” Tommy asks, wanting to change the subject.

*

Harper smiles, and it’s the same predatory smile that scares Tommy a little. “I did. He’s our witness.” She turns back to Adam. “You’ll win the case. This will make the public go wild. You were butchered and shamed, and none of it was your fault.”

“The fans have started a petition,” Tommy says. “It escalated from a small group of people loudly defending Adam everywhere, and now they are demanding his case to be reopened.”

“Have you talked to them?” Harper asks, and Adam shakes his head. 

“We decided not to give anything away yet. My lawyer recommended it.”

*

“Smart.” Harper leans over the table towards Adam. “Don’t share anything yet. I have a solid case for your lawyer. I don’t want them to be prepared at all. I want to crush them.”

She gives Adam a list of the things she’s gathered. It’s a lot of things, but the most important items are the evidence against Conrad Milton and Lance’s friend’s testimony. They will clear Adam’s name. 

“Be prepared for lots of people sucking up to you,” Harper says gently. 

Adam nods. “Yeah, I’m used to it.”

“Not on this level. They’ll want back into your glamorous life.”

*

“Fuck them,” Tommy says, his voice heated with anger. Some of Adam’s former friends hurt him worse than Lance did. 

“I’ll forgive them,” Adam says then, and both Harper and Tommy stare at him. “I won’t hold a grudge, but they’ll never be a part of my life again.”

Tommy takes Adam’s hand over the table, but says nothing. 

When they say goodbye to Harper she leans close to Tommy and whispers, “You two are a good team. You’ll bring trouble to anyone who opposes you.” Then she kisses his cheek. “And I have to say you look good together.”

TBC...


	16. Going to War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legal help was given by the lovely @leela_cat and her other half @orasimcha. This was betaed by the wonderful @aislinntlc. Much love to you all. All remaining mistakes are mine. I apologize for them. :)

Tommy stares at Leila who’s sitting in the armchair. She’s wringing her hands, and when she notices Tommy staring at her, she smiles. The smile doesn’t reach her eyes. They are all worried. 

The TV is on, but nobody is watching it. Eber is standing by the window with Adam and Neil, and Sutan is holding Tommy’s hand, sitting on the couch with him. 

Tommy has Riff in his lap, and the Cherrys are hovering close by. 

They are waiting for the word from Adam’s lawyers if the district attorney believes that his case deserves the motion to overturn it.

*

“He’s happier,” Leila says suddenly, and Tommy chokes on his feelings. “I’m so happy he has you,” she whispers. 

Tommy is so lucky to have Adam, but he nods because he’d go through Hell for Adam. 

“He’s alive again, smiling, arguing with Eber. Even now, he’s not as scared as he would be without you.”

They haven’t even told anyone yet that they are together. Too much has gone wrong and the one good thing has needed to be protected. “Um…” Tommy looks at Leila, bewildered.

“I wouldn’t mind if you stayed forever.” Leila looks straight into his eyes. 

Sutan coughs.

*

“Really?” Sutan raises his eyebrows at Tommy. “You two? For real?”

Tommy panics, but right then, Riff grabs a handful of his hair and he’s mercifully rescued from the terrible situation. He stands and goes to Scarlett for help so he won’t lose tufts of his hair. 

He’s aware of everyone staring at him. 

“Yeah, we’re…” Adam takes a step closer to Tommy, looks at him, and when Tommy doesn’t object, Adam continues, “We’re together.” Adam puts an arm around Tommy. “We’ve been together for a few months.”

“Months?” Eber and Leila say at the same time.

Adam looks sheepish.

*

“It hasn’t been linear,” Adam says next, and Tommy feels like he should try rescuing him. 

Tommy glances at Eber, then Neil, then looks at Leila again. “It’s not easy to believe in good things.”

“You didn’t want to jinx it,” Sutan says, getting up and walking towards Adam and Tommy. 

Everyone is gathering around them, and it’s very strange. This much attention feels suffocating, and Tommy wants to hide. Instead, he stands beside Adam, still holding Riff, letting people hug and congratulate them. 

Then, Eber tells him quietly, “No matter what the verdict is, he’s already won.”

*

Adam’s phone rings. It’s on the living room table, vibrating towards the edge. Adam lets go of Tommy, approaches the table cautiously, and picks the phone up.

“Adam Lambert. Yes, how was it? Okay. When? Really? Yes, of course. Thank you.” Adam stares at the phone. The room is so quiet, not even a single breath can be heard. Then Adam turns towards Tommy, runs to him, and hugs him, his wet face pressed against Tommy’s neck and the side of his face.

“What did he say?” Leila asks. 

“The DA hasn’t given an answer yet, but he believes us.”

*

Tommy squeezes Adam, and then, everyone is hugging them. 

Adam is shaking, but he tries to talk anyway. “He’s interviewing our witnesses, and it looks like he’s going to get the verdict overturned. We don’t know yet for sure, but my lawyers are hopeful. Oh my god, my sentence could be overturned.”

After a while they go sit in the kitchen to eat something Lee and Neil have prepared for them. It’s some kind of a fish stew, and it’s probably delicious, but Tommy can’t taste anything.

The first call made the waiting a little easier, but it’s still waiting.

*

Four hours later, they are sitting on the floor, listening to Leonard Cohen, when Adam’s phone rings again. 

Tommy’s heart is in his throat when he watches Adam’s expressions, tries to figure out what kind of news he’s getting.

Adam lies on his back, his eyes closed, and when the call is over, there’s a faint smile on his face. “They arrested Conrad and Lance. I have my hearing in two days. It’s just a formality. I’m officially not guilty anymore.”

Tommy takes Adam’s hand but doesn’t say anything. He can’t believe that after eight months they are here now.

*

It’s surreal how Adam’s face melts, how the mask he’s been holding falls, and he looks like Adam again, the person Tommy met for the first time at the audition. Everyone is laughing and crying, and Tommy just sits there, looking at Adam who’s slowly returning to them. The joy on Adam’s face is real and open, and he doesn’t seem to mind being vulnerable in front of them. Adam hasn’t opened his eyes yet, though.

When he does he looks straight at Tommy. “Will you marry me?”

Tommy’s heart stops, his breath catches in his throat. “What?” he whispers. 

*

Everyone is staring again.

“I love you. I’ll never want to be with anyone else.” Adam sits up on his knees, taking Tommy’s other hand too. “I’ll ask you again next year if you don’t know yet. And the year after that.”

Tommy bites his lip, the storm of emotions inside him totally out of control. He hasn’t even dealt with the relief yet, and now, Adam is putting him through another ride. He doesn’t feel pressured, though. Adam is intense, has always been, but he’s always left Tommy room to breathe, just like now. 

Adam looks earnest and hopeful.

*

Tommy can see Adam is also ready for rejection, like he’s willing to wait, and that just does it. Tommy looks at Leila who’s in tears, then tries to breathe through the fear. “If you’ll have me.”

Adam grabs Tommy’s face and kisses him on the mouth, then pulls back. “No, if you’ll have me.”

That makes him bite his lip harder, kill his heart with physical pain, because he’s not used to feeling like this, like someone loves him as much as he loves them. It hurts. “Yeah, okay,” Tommy whispers, and Adam wraps him tightly in his arms.

 

TBC...


	17. Gifted

Tommy is with Adam’s family and friends at the back of the courtroom while Adam sits before the judge, his lawyers presenting the motion to overturn his verdict. The district attorney is concurring with it, and it looks like a show with rehearsed rules, and it lasts less than half an hour. 

Tommy barely breathes through it.

When the judge ends the hearing with: “The judgment has been reversed” Leila grabs Tommy into a tight hug, squealing, and the sound makes him laugh. 

Adam looks dumbfounded, thanking his lawyers, shaking hands, being polite, while glancing at Tommy every five seconds.

*

Adam is free. Those words sound so weird in Tommy’s head. Adam was never guilty in his mind, never deserved any of it, so this, seeing Adam eager to come to him, to hold him, to share this with him, makes Tommy stupidly proud. 

He’ll stand by Adam through anything. 

“Oh my god, when are they going to let him come to us?” Leila says, moving from foot to foot. “I want to hug him.”

“I know,” Tommy says, smiling. They’re supposed to leave the room and face the media that’s waiting outside. 

Adam’s publicist has done her work well. 

*

Adam says his final thank yous to everyone, and then walks up to the people he loves. 

Tommy stares openly, not caring one bit what can be seen on his face. Adam hugs Leila, then Eber, then kisses the cheek of Neil’s girlfriend, and claps Neil’s shoulder. It’s an endless sea of people between Adam and him, but Tommy waits patiently. 

Then suddenly, he feels a small hand in his own, and he looks down. 

Riff is smiling up, like he wants to comfort Tommy. “He’s coming,” Riff says, squeezing Tommy’s hand. “I always have to wait for him too.”

*

It’s surprising how old the little boy is, how quickly time goes by, how little time they get to spend together, and Tommy wonders if Adam knows who Riff really is. “He’s worth waiting for,” Tommy says finally, and Riff grins wide, nodding. 

He doesn’t let go of Tommy’s hand. 

When every single person has had their chance to congratulate Adam, he picks Riff up and throws him over his shoulder, twirling. The boy laughs, grabbing Adam’s jacket, kicking. 

Tommy steps back so he doesn’t get hit, but he’s laughing too.

Then, Adam is right there in Tommy’s personal space.

*

Riff has run to Lee, and everyone has backed away a little, giving them privacy. Tommy can’t stop looking into Adam’s eyes. 

“What?” Adam whispers. 

Tommy smiles.

Adam touches the side of Tommy’s face. “Tell me.”

“You got your swagger back.” Tommy’s grin grows wider.

Adam stares at him, then bursts out laughing. “Oh my god, come here.” Adam pulls Tommy into a tight hug and they hold onto each other for a long time. Tommy wants to stay there. He wants to crawl inside Adam’s heart. 

“Can you face the lions?” Tommy asks, curling his hands around Adam’s jacket.

*

“I’m ready if you are,” Adam whispers in Tommy’s ear. 

He probably never will be because attention and introverted natures don’t really go hand in hand, but for Adam, he’s willing to endure all kinds of things. He’s starting to believe that Adam feels the same way about him. “Yeah, I’m ready.” 

Tommy steps back, and Adam lets him go, their eyes locked. Then Tommy gets an idea. He takes off his wooden bead necklace and gives it to Adam. “Put it around your wrist.” 

Adam smiles.

“It’ll keep you safe,” Tommy says, like he believes in stuff like that.

*

Adam knows Tommy isn’t a believer, and it clearly means the world to him that Tommy does this for him. Adam looks solemn when he wraps the necklace around his wrist, leaving one end a little longer so he can hold it in his fist.

“Will you hold my hand?” Adam asks, and Tommy extends his right hand, not hesitating at all. 

Adam laces their fingers, kisses Tommy’s knuckles, and walks towards the door. 

Tommy is glad the focus isn’t on him because the journalists fire questions so fast he can’t even register them. But Adam knows how to answer.

*

Leila and Eber stay behind them, but everyone else leaves for the minibus already. Tommy just tries to keep his eyes open every time a flash goes off. He must look like a scared little mouse. Damn it. 

The questions are endless, personal and partly even inappropriate, but Adam is patient, like back in the day when he walked the red carpets.

Then someone on Tommy’s left points at Tommy and asks, “Are you two together?”

Adam looks at Tommy, then smiles, lifting their joined hands. Neither of them says it, but it doesn’t matter. The cameras hit them hard.

*

It’s crazy how interested in Tommy they are after that, and how the questions turn from Lance and Conrad to love-music-future. The atmosphere changes too because Adam keeps laughing, and people start treating them like they’re people. 

A woman asks if Tommy is the reason why Adam is standing here as a free man today, and Adam tilts his head, keeps the silence for a long moment, then says, “Yes.”

They all turn to look at Tommy, but before they can start firing questions he leans closer to the microphone shoved in his direction, his heart hammering in his chest.

*

Tommy says, “He’s the best person I’ve ever met, the strongest, too. He’s being modest.”

“No, you don’t.” Adam pushes him out of the way and says into the microphone, “Don’t let him fool you. This gorgeous, tiny, incredibly sassy man beats me at everything. He rules my universe.”

Leila kicks Adam’s calf and Tommy only notices it because he’s looking down, too embarrassed. He bites his lip so he won’t laugh out loud. 

“And,” Adam says, turning to look at Tommy, “I think that’s it. We’re going.” Adam pulls Tommy towards the minibus, a swarm of people following them.

*

Once they’re inside the bus, Adam hauls Tommy into a kiss. 

They are surrounded by people who love them both, and it’s so good not to be alone for all this. Adam still has a support system, still has people he can lean on, and it matters to Tommy more than he could ever say. 

They laugh through the bus ride, Danielle braiding Tommy’s hair, and it’s a perfect day that continues at Leila’s house. They eat and drink and talk and laugh some more, and Tommy never wants it to end. 

Although, Adam keeps his intense eyes on Tommy.

*

That might be a call for something, and Tommy does not object to the possibility. 

They sneak into upstairs, kissing and biting and fighting with their clothes. Tommy wants Adam’s skin, wants his fingers, his heat, his everything. And Adam can’t keep his hands off Tommy. 

They bang the guest room door closed, giggle and shush at each other, but Tommy is sure nobody cares. 

They know if they’ve noticed. 

Adam goes down on his knees, looking up, pulling Tommy’s jeans open. “I want you to fuck my mouth.”

He can totally do that. “Yes, please. Oh god…”

Adam grins. 

*

He gets Tommy’s hard cock out of his pants, and then just waits, his long lashes beautiful against his cheeks. 

Tommy opens Adam’s mouth with a thumb against his chin and grabs the back of Adam’s head. Then he just slides in, slow and easy at first, then harder and faster because Adam can take it. The way Adam swallows around him, lets him into his throat, makes Tommy’s legs shake. He wants to come so bad, wants to shoot down Adam’s throat. 

He strokes the side of Adam’s face gently, then pulls out at the last second, panting hard.

*

“Please,” Adam says, his voice rough, and Tommy pushes two fingers inside Adam’s mouth, squeezing himself so he won’t come. Adam bites the fingers, sucks them, makes them wet with saliva. 

“I want to make you come from this,” Tommy says, sliding his fingers in and out of Adam’s mouth. “My cock in your mouth. Can you do that?”

Adam spreads his legs, then nods. 

“Yeah?” Tommy pulls his fingers out, and brushes Adam’s lips with the head of his cock. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.” Adam sounds debauched, needy, like he can’t live without Tommy’s cock in his mouth.

“Good.”

*

This time, Tommy takes it slow, stroking Adam’s hair as he pushes into the heat of Adam’s mouth. He rolls his hips, goes deeper and deeper until Adam’s eyes water, and he has to let him breathe. It’s torture for both of them, and Tommy does his best to hold back the orgasm. 

Adam’s hands are on his own thighs, grabbing the fabric of his pants, his hardon evident through them. 

It’s fucking hot to have Adam so obedient and submissive at his feet. 

Tommy spreads Adam’s mouth further with two fingers, and Adam whimpers around his cock.

“Fuck, Adam.”

*

He can’t keep it slow after that, can’t try to do anything but let himself fuck Adam’s mouth, spread him wide, make him take it, and Adam does, shaking with need. 

When Adam groans, his body jerking, it throws Tommy over the edge, makes him come so hard his vision blurs. 

Adam holds Tommy on his feet afterwards, helps him into the bathroom, and cleans them both. It’s always this part that feels so intimate. He’s never had it with anyone else. 

“You make me want to be all kinds of things,” Adam says, pulling Tommy’s back against his chest.

*

“Like what?” He looks at Adam in the mirror.

“Like I could be anything. Like I don’t have to be a performer. Like I could just build a house and raise a family.”

Tommy grins. “I like you performing. I like playing for you.”

“I know.” Adam sighs, smiling. “It’s more like I don’t have to anymore. The forceful need is gone. I think I could just do it for fun.”

“Oh.” Tommy tilts his head.

“I feel like I don’t have to prove anything to anyone anymore. That’s what happened.”

“So, a band?”

Adam nods. “Yeah, a real band.”

*

Tommy bites his lip, but before he can say anything Adam adds, “With you, doofus. Don’t even dare to ask.”

“Can I make some of the songs? Would you sing them?”

Adam grins. “You can make as many as you want. I’ll sing them all.”

Tommy tries to pull free, hide from the mirror, turn around, but Adam won’t let him. He’s locked in Adam’s arms. 

There’s mischief in Adam’s eyes. “I’ll even sing punk for you.”

“You would?”

“Rock, metal, anything. I don’t care. I just want to sing.”

“It’s only fair; I’ve been doing pop for you forever.”

*

Adam laughs out loud, so happy it’s catching. “I have years to make up to you, don’t I?”

“All the years. Oh, the torture you’ve put me through.” He leans back, the happiness inside him uncontainable. 

“Do you want Isaac back?” Adam asks softly, and Tommy nods. “What about Ashley and Brian?” It’s an easy decision. They have a band if the band wants to have them. 

“All of them.”

“No idea about the next payday,” Adam says, kissing Tommy’s temple.

“I can eat porridge.” 

“Marry me, Tommy Joe,” Adam whispers, his eyes full of love.

Tommy laughs. “I will.”

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll miss them. I wrote this story for myself, but I'm happy that others enjoyed it too. Thank you for reading and following this story. Thank you for leaving comments and sharing the experience with me. It means a lot to me. 
> 
> I know I don't go into great detail with the case itself. There was never a good place for details about Lance and Conrad, and that wasn't the focus of this story anyway. There was one moment with a friend that I wanted to add. The friend wasn't able to be there for Adam because he had troubles in his own life, and he had no strength left in him. He contacts Adam later and tells him what happened at the time. Adam holds no grudge against him, and they gradually find their way back to each other. 
> 
> And Harper stays as their friend. :) And helps them out later in life. 
> 
> Stories are pesky things. They live on even if you put "the end" at the end. <3


End file.
